Do I Choose To Love?

A Sermon By Jim Hammond from 1 Corinthians 13

What is love?

Literature, music, art, advertisements, TV, Movies--every media is enamored with love, though it usually does a poor job capturing the concept, or defining it. Someone sings, "I can’t help falling in love with you." Someone else sings, "You’ve lost that loving feeling." Someone else sings, "I love you. Please tell me your name." Kind of deep lyrics don’t you think?

As a result, couples “in love” have a hard time defining it. Starry eyed and in dreamy voice they say “Love is the feeling you feel when you feel that feeling you never felt before.” Couples are not the only one struggling to define the term. In tennis love means zero! That’s very similar to the expression, “I did it for love,” because we usually mean we did it for “nothing”--as a favor without payment. Like in tennis, love means nothing again. We use the word love with chocolate, “I love chocolate” and with theology, “God is Love.” The definition for “love” sure gets stretched.

People say “I fell in love.” Is love something like a ditch? No, because the next thing you hear is that someone “fell out of love”, I guess it’s kind of like a tree. People use the phrase “making love,” but the phrase is often about “manufacturing lust”. Love is often confused with lust. I memorized a poem from the book “The Song” by Calvin Miller when I was in High School.

“Love is substance. Lust, illusion.

Only in the surge of passion

Do they mingle in confusion.”

There certainly is a lot of confusion about this all important and central concept called love. When love is modeled well, we learn to love. We would do well to allow God to describe love to us.

Focus: When I choose to love, God’s gifts are expressed through me in the most excellent way.

1 Corinthians 12:31 (NIV) ³¹But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 (NIV) ¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I. Love is a Choice

1 Corinthians 13 is often referred to as the love chapter. It is almost song like in its quality. But we must never approach this chapter in a vacuum as if it stood all alone without a context and reason for writing it. The love chapter as it is called is the chapter that is sandwiched between 12 and 14 which are both about the gifts of the spirit and the abuse of those gifts that was occurring in the Corinthian church. The love described in chapter 13 then is the more excellent way Paul mentioned in the last phrase of chapter 12. If it is a more excellent way than gifts, then love is not one of the spiritual gifts, but a choice. Love becomes the more excellent way in which all the gifts are to operate. Everyone that has spiritual gifts, (and that means every believer) is urged then to make some choices on how they operate their gifts. Love must be the choice that is made. Without making that choice, the gifts become damaging rather than helpful. As I mentioned last week, John Piper said: “A spiritual gift is an ability given by the Holy Spirit to express our faith effectively (in word or deed) for the strengthening of someone else's faith.” Spiritual gifts are meant for serving others. Here’s the question for today. Do I choose to love? Do I serve because I choose to love?

Love is not one of the “spiritual gifts” but it Makes The Gifts Work.

If I ______________ but have not love. . .

Paul filled in the blank with four different gifts from the list of gifts he had already mentioned, tongues, prophesy, faith, and giving. These are nothing without love. The question is how do you need to fill in the blank. Think for a moment. What service are you rendering, what expressions of gifts are you exercising where you need to be reminded to do them with love. That’s what I want you to fill your blank with, something personal. If I _________________ but have not love, then it is worthless. It is not the most excellent way.

Don’t Hope, Friend, . . . Decide!

Michael Hargrove relates the following story:

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about. This one occurred a mere 2 feet away from me.

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying 2 bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe 6 years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly and replied softly, “Me, too, Dad!’

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe 9 or 10) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps 1 or 1½) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face and then held her close to his chest. The little girl instantly relaxed and laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed, “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.

For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment, then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?” “Twelve years,” he replied. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. “Two whole day!” he replied.

Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks – if not months. I know my expression betrayed me. I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace, “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after 12 years.”

The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with a forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend… decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!”

With that, he and his family turned and strode away together. I was still watching that man and his family walk out of sight when my friend arrived and asked, “What are you looking at?” Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, “My future!”[i]

II. Love Is the Expression Of My Faith (Galatians 5:6)

Galatians 5:6 (NIV) . . . The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

The Law of the Pendulum

Ken Davis, in “How to Speak to Youth” relates the following story,

In college I was asked to prepare a lesson to teach my speech class. We were to be graded on our creativity and ability to drive home a point in a memorable way. The title of my talk was, "The Law of the Pendulum." I spent 20 minutes carefully teaching the physical principle that governs a swinging pendulum. The law of the pendulum is: A pendulum can never return to a point higher than the point from which it was released. Because of friction and gravity, when the pendulum returns, it will fall short of its original release point. Each time it swings it makes less and less of an arc, until finally it is at rest. This point of rest is called the state of equilibrium, where all forces acting on the pendulum are equal.

I attached a 3-foot string to a child's toy top and secured it to the top of the blackboard with a thumbtack. I pulled the top to one side and made a mark on the blackboard where I let it go. Each time it swung back I made a new mark. It took less than a minute for the top to complete its swinging and come to rest. When I finished the demonstration, the markings on the blackboard proved my thesis. I then asked how many people in the room BELIEVED the law of the pendulum was true. All of my classmates raised their hands, so did the teacher. He started to walk to the front of the room thinking the class was over. In reality it had just begun. Hanging from the steel ceiling beams in the middle of the room was a large, crude but functional pendulum (250 pounds of metal weights tied to four strands of 500-pound test parachute cord.).

I invited the instructor to climb up on a table and sit in a chair with the back of his head against a cement wall. Then I brought the 250 pounds of metal up to his nose. Holding the huge pendulum just a fraction of an inch from his face, I once again explained the law of the pendulum he had applauded only moments before, "If the law of the pendulum is true, then when I release this mass of metal, it will swing across the room and return short of the release point. Your nose will be in no danger." After that final restatement of this law, I looked him in the eye and asked, "Sir, do you believe this law is true?" There was a long pause. Huge beads of sweat formed on his upper lip and then weakly he nodded and whispered, "Yes." I released the pendulum. It made a swishing sound as it arced across the room. At the far end of its swing, it paused momentarily and started back. I never saw a man move so fast in my life. He literally dived from the table. Deftly stepping around the still-swinging pendulum, I asked the class, "Does he believe in the law of the pendulum?"

The students unanimously answered, "NO!"[ii]

Love is the expression of faith. If you have true faith, people will see it by your love. Love is a choice.

Act As If You Do

Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. "I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me."

Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan "Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you've convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you're getting a divorce. That will really hurt him." With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, "Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!" And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting "as if." For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. When she didn't return, Crane called. "Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?"

"Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I discovered I really do love him." Her actions had changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds. [iii]

Lewis: Act As If You Do Love

In his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis wrote, "Do not waste your time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less." [iv]

Quote: Heldur Nork said, “Love is choosing to do right no matter how you feel.”

Quote: Thomas Aquinas said, “Faith has to do with things that are not seen and hope with things that are not at hand.”

I would add this. Love has to do with things that ARE at hand.

A. How To Choose to Love This Way

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails. . . .

Substitute your name for the word love. You do this silently in your own head while I read aloud substituting my name.

⁴[Jim] is patient, [Jim] is kind. [Jim] does not envy, [Jim] does not boast, [Jim] is not proud. ⁵[Jim] is not rude, [Jim] is not self-seeking, [Jim] is not easily angered, [Jim] keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶[Jim] does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷[Jim] always protects, [Jim] always trusts, [Jim] always hopes, [Jim] always perseveres. ⁸[Jim] never fails. . . .

It sure doesn’t sound like scripture anymore does it? No, because you know better. You know me. I do fail in these areas. You do also. The only name that fits is Jesus. Jesus is what makes this work.

⁴[Jesus] is patient, [Jesus] is kind. [Jesus] does not envy, [Jesus] does not boast, [Jesus] is not proud. ⁵[Jesus] is not rude, [Jesus] is not self-seeking, [Jesus] is not easily angered, [Jesus] keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶[Jesus] does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷[Jesus] always protects, [Jesus] always trusts, [Jesus] always hopes, [Jesus] always perseveres. ⁸[Jesus] never fails. . . .

Now it sounds true to scripture again. The only name that does work is Jesus.

The fact is Jesus’ life is the fullest revelation of love. Jesus defines love for us. The words here are clarified by Jesus’ life. For example, Jesus clarifies for us what it means to be patient. Was Jesus ALWAYS patient? Was he patient when he cleared the temple? Not in the usual definition of patience. But was he doing the loving thing? Yes! Jesus defines for us the loving thing to do. Jesus is the answer to the question, how do I choose love.

· Jesus is more than just an example to follow.

· Jesus gives us the empowerment that comes from his life when he becomes a part of our life.

· This begins by invitation. The initial invitation is what makes you a Christian, when Jesus’ life, through his spirit enters your life.

· And Continues by faith with the ongoing choice to depend on Jesus as our resource. He then fills us with his spirit as we make this choice daily.

B. Acts of Love are payments made from available deposits

The reason Christians can love the unlovely, is that Jesus did this for us. The reason we are able to love is that we are loved. The reason we can make payments of love is that we have available deposits that have been made to our account. We can love because we have been loved, we can forgive because we have been forgiven. We have the deposits made in our life so now we can choose to love. We don’t need to ask God to give us the love we need to love, he has already done that, we simply need choose to love. We write out the check to speak by choosing patience, or choosing to be kind, or choosing to seek the other person’s interests rather than our own. Let me warn you, the only way this happens is if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ and you are filled with his deposits. You have to keep going to Jesus for the resources. That is why Love is an expression of our faith.

Stuck In the TB WARD

Doug Nichols went to India to be a missionary there, but while he was just starting to study the language he became infected with tuberculosis and had to be put in a sanitarium.

It was not a very good place to be. It was not very clean and conditions were difficult because there were so many sick people there. But Doug decided to do the best he could in that situation. So he took a bunch of Christian books and tracts and tried to witness to the other patients in the sanitarium.

But when he tried to pass out tracts, they were rejected. No one wanted them. He tried to hand out books, but no one would take them. He tried to witness, but he was handicapped because of his inability to communicate in their language, and he felt so discouraged.

Here he was. Because of his illness he would be there a long time. But it seemed like the work that he had been sent to do would not be done because no one would listen to him.

Because of his tuberculosis, every night at about 2 o’clock he would wake up with chronic coughing that wouldn’t quit. Then one night when he awoke he noticed across the aisle an old man trying to get out of bed. He said the man would roll himself up into a little ball and teeter back and forth trying to get up the momentum to get up and stand on his feet. But he just couldn’t do it. He was too weak.

Finally, after several attempts the old man laid back and wept. The next morning Doug understood why the man was weeping. He was trying to get up to go to the bathroom and didn’t have enough strength to do that. So his bed was a mess and there was a smell in the air.

The other patients made fun of the old man. The nurses came to clean up his bed and they weren’t kind to him, either. In fact, one of them even slapped him in the face. Doug said that the old man just laid there and cried.

Doug said, "That next night about 2 o’clock I started coughing again. I looked across the way and there was the old man trying to get out of bed once more. I really didn’t want to do it, but somehow I managed to get up and I walked across the aisle and I helped the old man stand up."

But he was too weak to walk, so Doug said, "I took him in my arms and carried him like a baby. He was so light that it wasn’t a difficult task. I took him into the bathroom, which was nothing more than a dirty hole in the floor, and I stood behind him and cradled him in my arms as he took care of himself."

"Then I carried him back to his bed and laid him down. As I turned to leave he reached up and grabbed my face and pulled me close and kissed me on the cheek and said what I think was `Thank you.’"

Doug said, "The next morning there were patients waiting when I awoke and they asked if they could read some of the books and tracts that I had brought. Others had questions about the God I worshiped and His only begotten Son who came into the world to die for their sins."

Doug Nichols says that in the next few weeks he gave out all the literature that he had brought, and many of the doctors and nurses and patients in that sanitarium came to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, too.

He said, "Now what did I do? I didn’t preach a sermon. I couldn’t even communicate in their language. I didn’t have a great lesson to teach them. I didn’t have wonderful things to offer. All I did was take an old man to the bathroom and anyone can do that."[v]

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for becoming the living definition of love for us. The world’s definition is so confusing. Forgive me for getting caught up in the world’s vague definitions of love based on feelings. Help me to choose to love even when I don’t feel like it, just because I do love you. Thank you for making such huge deposits of love in my life. I thank you for forgiveness, for life, for so many good gifts. Thank you for giving me purpose. Lord I look to you to fill me up to fullness so that I can draw once again on your fullness of love to choose to love. It is easy to love when I am loved. Yet, You have called me to love my enemies, people that don’t act loving to me. I can only do that Lord, with your love in me, and because I know you are there, Lord I choose to love even the lost, the loveless, and the least, as an expression of my love for you.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

[i] Printed in "A Fifth Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul" Michael Hargrove website is www.mysuccesscompany.com

[ii] Ken Davis, How To Speak To Youth, pp 104-106.

[iii] J. Allan Petersen.

[iv] C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity p 116 ( Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc New York 1943).

[v] In “The Most Excellent Way” Melvin Newland www.sermoncentral.com tells the story that was published in Sept/Oct 2000 Issue of Men of Integrity. http://www.christianitytoday.com/moi/2000/005/oct/26.26.html